just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
