It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
