Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize