I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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