i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
