i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
