So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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