I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
