sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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