There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
