i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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