we made out on top of his cat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
