Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
