I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
