I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
