if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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