theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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