can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
