i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize