The maid of honor just puked.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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