I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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