you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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