FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
