when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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