Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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