Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
True but thats because hes a fetus.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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