dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
