It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Small penises have feelings too.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
