Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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