He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
