I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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