I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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