this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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