I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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