Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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