I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
