their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
