dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
