This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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