Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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