I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
