Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
