she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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