Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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