i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
