so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
