I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
