I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
