Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
