I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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