You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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