I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
