guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
