It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
