she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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