Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
