I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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