She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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