having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize