I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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