Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
