She went from zero to smokin in five shots
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
