i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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