Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
