Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm like, not good at living.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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