I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
