Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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